Delusional Father Tells His University-Student 15-Year-Old Daughter Studying Physics And Computer Science That She's "Not Gifted"

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 14, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

As a kid, I had no delusions about being "gifted and talented." I was not put in the gifted program as an Elementary schooler, and I'm so glad because I've grown up to be a well-adjusted adult who doesn't need academic validation to feel accomplished. Unfortunately, many kids get put into gifted programs only to find out later that they're just average. That can be an upsetting realization, and it could've been solved by not telling kids who are only slightly above average that they're actually exceptional. 

This story is not the story of a misguided normal child who thinks their gifted—quite the opposite. A father decided to take his 15-year-old daughter down a peg by telling her she's not gifted. This teen is literally about to go to university to study physics and computer science. Redditors came to his daughter's defense to prove just how wrong he was. 

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/notgiftedbutsmart • 16h A1 AITA for telling my daughter that she is smart and hardworking but not gifted. My wife and I both have electrical engineering degrees but I no longer work in the field and am a manager.
    via u/notgiftedbutsmart
  • 02
    Font - My daughter is smart and hardworking and is attending at an earlier age than usual. She was in a school program for gifted kids. We were having a conversation at dinner the other day and my wife mentioned how proud she was of our daughter and how lucky we were to have gifted children going to good university programs and how not many people can do what our daughter did.
    via u/notgiftedbutsmart
  • 03
    Font - I was also very happy but I said that while (daughter) is really hardworking and smart, I would not say that she is actually gifted and others can't do it if they put in the same amount of work.
    via u/notgiftedbutsmart
  • 04
    Font - Her school does a lot to try to admit girls into her program, and my wife helped teach her advanced college level math and physics from an earlier age, she didn't naturally pick it up on her own. If anything being a younger applicant with the same credentials probably helped her stand out more for the admissions committee.
    via u/notgiftedbutsmart
  • 05
    Font - I have seen how people can ruin their lives over thinking they are 'gifted' and it going to their head. so I just wanted to caution her about that. Both my wife and daughter are upset at me now, my wife thinks I was trying to put her down which is not true and says she is gifted, while my daughter actually agrees with me but says I should not have said it as she already knows.
    via u/notgiftedbutsmart
  • 06
    Font - AITA here? It might not come across in the post but I am genuinely proud and happy for my kids and beyond what I described here, there was a lot of complimenting and celebration on my part.
    via u/notgiftedbutsmart
  • 07
    Font - fabulousautie. 16h Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] 3 Awards YTA putting your daughter down served no positive purpose. Discouraging a young teen like that can have serious detrimental effects. Even if she isn't actually gifted, you were the asshole. That being said, she is gifted. Not every 15 year old can go to a university to study physics. Not only is she gifted academically, she is gifted with drive and determination. Not everyone has that. And you tried to put her down. ... Reply 20.8k
    via u/fabulousautie
  • 08
    Font - Such-Flatworm-9857 • 15h Partassipant [1] 3 Awards Did it feel good to say that about your daughter? Does it feel good to let her know that she is not as smart or unique as other people, that like you, she is just "average?" Does it feel good to correct your wife about her views regarding said daughter, and making her feel bad about her opinion? YTA. And there are not enough ways that I could call an average man an asshole for what he did. It must really damage your pride to have two exce
    via u/Such-Flatworm-9857
  • 09
    Font - InterabangSmoose. 11h Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] AND she's achieved more than the son, too. Or am I the only one that noticed son excels at "softer" subjects (history and language- traditionally female) while daughter excels at "harder" subjects (physics and computer science-traditionally male)... AND she's going way early admission to university, son's going along with everyone else. Seems like dad felt he had to knock her down a peg or three- what an asshole. edit- I don't like it or agre
    via u/InterabangSmoose
  • 10
    Font - lordmwahaha . 6h It does feel a little like he did this to "put her in her place". Because by his own admission, he didn't want her getting too big of an ego (even though we don't see any evidence in this post that that's a real concern) - and like honestly, why else would he say this if not to burst her bubble? The purpose for saying this was to demean her accomplishments. Especially because he then goes on to point out to us every single factor he thinks takes away from her achievement
    via u/lordmwahaha
  • 11
    Font - KonaKathie . 5h What struck me was when he said something like, "but she didn't pick the calculus (or whatever) up naturally" WTF. Who just picks that shit up "naturally"? 429
    via u/KonaKathie
  • 12
    Font - FakeuLarb. 4h If she's not a savant, she's not gifted, I guess. ↑ 128 128
    via u/FakeuLarb
  • 13
    Font - Saravat 10h ● 3 Awards YTA. There is absolutely no rational or useful or helpful reason to say something like this. The only purpose was to demean your daughter, who is most assuredly gifted. You also spent an interesting amount of time in your post attempting to explain how her accomplishments and abilities really aren't that special.
    via u/Saravat
  • 14
    Font - You can make all the claims you want to about how proud of her you supposedly are. I see right through you. I spent my career as a woman in the sciences and I've been around countless guys like you who are quick to praise their little female 'worker bees' as long as they know their place, but who are incapable of acknowledging when a woman is genuinely exceptional.
    via u/Saravat
  • 15
    Font - It's especially heartbreaking that you have managed to erode her awareness of her own gifts to the point where she "actually agrees" with you that she is "just" a hard worker and not really gifted. You are toxic and I know you'll reject this reality, but I'll say it anyway. You're a misogynist. Kick rocks. She deserves better than you. 1.4k
    via u/Saravat
  • 16
    Font - meanmissusmustard86.9h As a fellow woman in science, THIS - men are so easily seen as (inherently somehow) brilliant; women as hard workers. It's sexism and everywhere in academia ... G 765
    via u/meanmissusmustard86
  • 17
    Font - Mirabai503.9h my wife helped teach her advanced college level math and physics from an earlier age, she didn't naturally pick it up on her own So by OP's definition, "gifted" can only be applied to auto-didacts. OP, did you glorious gifted son have teachers or is he entirely self-taught? Jesus fucking Christ, she is FIFTEEN and is going to college. You should be shouting her praises to everyone you meet. You should be so proud of her and instead you just try to knock her down. What's the
    via u/Mirabai503
  • 18
    Human body - fierce-retiree . 8h I think only Sir Isaac Newton picked up calculus and physics on his own. ... 97
    via u/fierce-retiree
  • 19
    Font - AreYouAfraid OfChase 4h ● And even then he only understood physics when it hit him in the face 124
    via u/AreYouAfraidOfChase
  • 20
    Rectangle - NotAlwaysPC • 11h Worse yet, he gave confirmation to her negative voice. The one that says you can't when you really can. ... 556
    via u/NotAlwaysPC
  • 21
    Font - MaintenanceFlimsy555 9h Partassipant [1] ● Some parents are just plain determined to be their child's first and biggest bully. Some parents aspire to be the voiceover that bullies their child inside their own head when they are sad or scared or struggling with self- doubt. It's almost interesting to see how one of them looks from inside his own head - it's like there's no emotional connection at all, no comprehension that his daughter is a person. No insight. It must be horrible being him
    via u/MaintenanceFlimsy555

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